Of Collars and Triads

It has been a few weeks now since my return for visiting Sir and Miss. Looking back on the days leading up to it there was a lot that I wasn't expecting or even really thinking about. I was just excited to finally going to see them. I had been talking to Sir, and to Miss as well though at that point not as much. Of course that has since changed. *chuckles* No getting ahead of the story. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. My desire to please of course fueling this, will I be everything I come off over skype, will I be what is wanted in person as much as I had been over text and skype? You know the regular worries and wonders that go through your mind. And then I was in the truck driving to the airport and I was excited, through all of it I had no bad feelings about anything. My intuition has always been something I listen to. I is usually spot on, I say usually because there are times I'll admit that I don't stop to listen to it. Always listen to you intuition.

Once at the airport the nerves were back, though this time because of my disliking/fear of planes. I don't really like flying but it's not so bad that I won't do it. Of course some of those Nerves were due to my usual when it comes to finally seeing people face to face. But that of course is the Social Anxiety, yes even if I get comfortable with someone through other means I'm still going to be nervous meeting them in person. It's how I have always been. Landing was rough, I'm going to chalk that up to the pilot because return trip we had turbulence but that landing was smooth. So I was a bit frayed from the flight, luckily it wasn't a crowded flight so I didn't have that on top of it. I had some time to compose myself since traffic was bad, so I got to sit a bit after getting my luggage and work out those nerves so that I wasn't a bundle of broken nerves when I met them.

Needless to say that meant that I wasn't paying much attention when they arrived. But it was a good greeting even, if I was all nervy and shy like. Honestly, minus the whole social anxiety thing I felt very comfortable with them. There was none of the 'not right' feelings at all. I had a very busy first day lol. We stopped at the mall after they picked me up, and luckily it wasn't very busy so that helped with my crowd issue. Then we went to get Sushi and I got to meet a friend of theirs, and Sir's mentor in the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism). I had a really good time, even if that was a lot for one day and not even half of what we did. But I know that I was glad to finally be there.

As with many things there are always unexpected things that crop up that you weren't expecting at all. A lot of times those things a good unexpected things, in this case it was most certainly a good thing. Miss and I clicked really well and it went from me being just Sir's second sub, to being both of theirs. It is something that I am really happy for the outcome of. I wouldn't have minded it either way, but I won't lie I prefer it this way. So of course once I got back home I made sure to be in contact with Miss more. Even if there are times I feel like I'm being annoying or bugging, shoot I feel that way with Sir too. But I always remind myself that it is not how they feel, it is just my anxiety making me feel that way. I often find that I have to tell myself things like that often. Sometimes the thing that makes me most awkward is the anxiety, wondering why I can be as normal as other people. It's certainly a work in progress.

On my last day there I got my collar, another thing that I was not expecting. I've waited a long time for it and thought that it would be a while before I would be getting it, even if things went so well I ended up staying another week. What made it even more special is that I got to make it, Miss taught me how to do the braiding. She set it up and then I got to do the braiding and she put the clasps onto it. When Sir put it on me, I don't even think there are words that compare to that feeling. I wish I could explain it well. It's like everything clicks into place it becomes so much more than it was moments ago. A feeling of completeness, oneness. I had hoped that I would be able to describe this better, always thought I would be able to, well of course I did I didn't really know what it was like.

Being home has been hard, while I know it won't be for long it is still hard being away from both of them. Not just them either, I do miss their daughter too. I had a lot of fun there and in a way came back different than I had been before, happier and in a way, more complete than I had been. Sleeping has been a bit tricky but I just remind myself that I won't have to endure it long. I cuddle my stuffies that I got while I was there and it helps. Every day I remember that soon I will be there, that being this far sucks but it will only suck for so long.

Luna XO

New Experiences and That W Word

Last night was one of my calls with Sir, this one was different though, but certainly not in a bad way. Different in that good way that gives you butterflies and makes you nervous in an excited way. His other sub (his wife) was sitting in, she'll be referenced in this as Miss as she is a switch and that was the aspect she was sitting in as. It was something that I have always wanted to try, that thing that being a poly sub you think about but never really tell anyone because sadly a majority of your friends are not only vanilla, but monog (I can hear the little violins playing, thank you all ;p). I have done scenes with a Domme, but they weren't on calls, and more in a chat like setting. So my experience with it is limited.

But I have to say, it was something that I enjoyed. I had a bit of a nervous rocky start, but I'm usually nervous when I start something new like this. I've always been that way, slightly awkward when it comes to certain things especially if they are social, yay social anxiety. I believe that Social Anxiety Subs Anonymous needs to become a thing, my friend who coined that knows who she is if she is reading this. It doesn't necessarily mean that I am not enjoying something, or that I don't like something, it's just me and once I acclimate to the situation I'm good. One thing I have always liked, is that Sir is good about asking me how I'm doing. A Dom that cares about their sub's well being is a treasure, and sadly, not really something I was used to before him. But I have found you get used to it very quickly, and come to cherish it.

Most of my calls with him are pretty intense, and I won't lie, I am glad the intense stuff happens with him on the other side of a computer screen. I think it would be harder if it were just me alone. He had me start with the belt, which is pretty usual, and I think I'm getting a little better using it on my breasts. It's an awkward position, beating yourself, and really, never been something I have been into. I have always had a hard time with enjoying it, could never get into it. I think I have figured that out, with those times, it was over the phone, or recording it for that particular Dom (who didn't last very long by any means as he was in New York, and I in Louisiana). I get into it more with this because I can see his reaction, I can hear him saying what he would no doubt be saying if I were kneeling before him.

I can close my eyes and see Sir doing it, though I have no doubt his lashes would be harder. But then him being a sadist calls to my masochist and is probably one of the big things that makes me excited for when I can be face to face. I enjoy what he has me do to myself and that is something I have never thought I would say. I ended the other because I couldn't do long distance in a D/s relationship and years later I laugh that I am in one now. I think the big difference is that I have talked to him over skype, only talked to the other over text, and leaving messages for him that he wanted me to leave. It helps you to trust when you can see the face, and hear the voice, at least for me. It also helps that I knew both Sir and Miss before he asked me to be his sub.

Whatever it is that makes me trust, I enjoy what he has me do to myself. Whether it is the belt, my brush, clothes pins, or even, the paddle. I am still waiting for the 'Let's see if you can hit yourself hard enough to mark yourself'. I am sure it will be coming soon. He had me show it to Miss, and I made the comment along the lines of 'the word I don't like' and Sir came back with something along the lines of 'You like it when I use it'. Of course the answer was yes, and of course when he added the bit about it making my cunt constrict, the answer again is yes. All the while there is a voice in my head yelling at me, asking me how I can enjoy being called such a thing. Telling me to get a backbone don't take that. I figure that is the voice of my disliking of that word. Against any disliking of it, it does get me wet when he uses it, it does make me feel giddy in that way a sub does when their Dom speaks to them like that.

Using that paddled on my cunt was probably the sexiest thing I have ever endured. What made it all the more was listening to Sir and Miss and their comments while I was doing it. It wasn't just Sir praising which made it more in some way. Of course I have always had the share fantasies of being shown off or shared around. It was always something I was iffy on, of course it takes something like this to realize it's not iffy. I really do get off on that. Miss let me cum, but I had to cum from the paddle, which, there is a part of me that is surprised that it worked. I'd never done that before, and yes I am a Painslut but I had that nervousness and that thought of well darn, that's not gonna happen. Boy was I wrong, never second guess yourself boys and girls, or do, it can be kind of fun when you do what you think you can't do.

To some up this experience, it is probably the sexiest thing that I have done and I don't say that often. I probably should, I've gotten much better with my confidence and self-esteem but I do still have my moments where I laugh at the prospect of being sexy, beautiful yes, pretty, yes, but sexy, eh maybe. But this, this is definitely the sexiest thing I have done. So hearing that it was hot as hell to watch, well that makes me feel pretty darn accomplished, their enjoyment is what I aim for, it's what any sub aims for. Getting that praise, that is cloud nine stuff right there.

I am at a month and a day now for my control, today will mark day one when I do my dailies. I did very good this last round as you cant tell. fluffs the blog No punishment blogs, now lets see if I can keep that up huh? And hopefully when next you hear from me it will be a month and a day from now.

^-^ Luna xo