So Sunday I wrote my lovely Day 1 post about not coming and doing good.....I didn't even make it a week. It makes me feel so disappointed, I was doing so good with my control and now, I can't help but feel ashamed, and disappointed even if I did technically enjoy myself. But it's not my call to make, it's Sir's and when I am told that I cannot cum, it means that I cannot cum. I am given an hour each day to work on my orgasm control, the means of which is mostly using my finger and a toy, while watching or looking at porn. There are times that I find that perfect picture (my net isn't fast enough for video) and I hardly even look anymore. Then there are times, like today, where my mind just veers from what I am looking at and I go a completely different route.
I can't even remember what I was looking at, I know that in the picture the woman was bound but that is about all I remember of it. I thought of being bound and that wasn't even what got me, it wasn't the thought of him driving in hard, it was the thought of him pulling out and covering my pussy with his cum. Then leaving me, coming back, taking me hard again, and covering my tits. By the time I was reaching the part where I was coming, he'd given me a facial, and was finally cumming inside of me. I tried so hard to stop myself, control my breathing, control myself as I have been working on but it was pointless. I chalk it up to thinking about something that gets me so revved, I have always liked the cum shots in porn, something about watching a man cum, I just love it. I have the added ability to have finally seen that with him, and I think, all that together just did it.
Of course that is by no means an excuse. I told him what I did, because there is no sense lying, sure I live states away 'how could he know', that has never been something that crossed my mind. I would know, and I would feel guilty for keeping that from him as well as for having done it so that isn't even an option for me. He came back with my punishment, which as always (this isn't my first time I've slipped up with this) makes me feel even more abashed because just in reading it, I can see the face that he is giving me. Tonight I was to clamp my nipples for 15 minutes, and then clamp my clit for seven. I take pictures (pictures below) as I do it, which go up on my tumblr and then tonight I was told to write this blog explaining why and how I felt.
Some might ask why the pictures being put up is part of it easy, I have never been one for posting that kind of stuff on the internet. Good on the women that can do it, I never have. It has just never really sat well with me. Knowing me well like most good Doms know their subs, he knows this, so that is part of it, a bit of humiliation to go with the pain. Mostly because the pain I enjoy, it's the posting it up that is always the part that has me cringing and making faces at my phone or computer screen as I do it. I know that I will get better with this, Sir has faith, I have faith in myself. Would I like it to happen over night to avoid this kind of stuff, oh Gods yes lol. But we can't have every thing can we?
Luna xo
I can't even remember what I was looking at, I know that in the picture the woman was bound but that is about all I remember of it. I thought of being bound and that wasn't even what got me, it wasn't the thought of him driving in hard, it was the thought of him pulling out and covering my pussy with his cum. Then leaving me, coming back, taking me hard again, and covering my tits. By the time I was reaching the part where I was coming, he'd given me a facial, and was finally cumming inside of me. I tried so hard to stop myself, control my breathing, control myself as I have been working on but it was pointless. I chalk it up to thinking about something that gets me so revved, I have always liked the cum shots in porn, something about watching a man cum, I just love it. I have the added ability to have finally seen that with him, and I think, all that together just did it.
Of course that is by no means an excuse. I told him what I did, because there is no sense lying, sure I live states away 'how could he know', that has never been something that crossed my mind. I would know, and I would feel guilty for keeping that from him as well as for having done it so that isn't even an option for me. He came back with my punishment, which as always (this isn't my first time I've slipped up with this) makes me feel even more abashed because just in reading it, I can see the face that he is giving me. Tonight I was to clamp my nipples for 15 minutes, and then clamp my clit for seven. I take pictures (pictures below) as I do it, which go up on my tumblr and then tonight I was told to write this blog explaining why and how I felt.
Some might ask why the pictures being put up is part of it easy, I have never been one for posting that kind of stuff on the internet. Good on the women that can do it, I never have. It has just never really sat well with me. Knowing me well like most good Doms know their subs, he knows this, so that is part of it, a bit of humiliation to go with the pain. Mostly because the pain I enjoy, it's the posting it up that is always the part that has me cringing and making faces at my phone or computer screen as I do it. I know that I will get better with this, Sir has faith, I have faith in myself. Would I like it to happen over night to avoid this kind of stuff, oh Gods yes lol. But we can't have every thing can we?
Luna xo
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