It has been a long time since I have wrote in here. Mainly because, it has been a really long time since I have been able to do play of any kind, or even the smallest scene. Going from living it to nothing .... it's hard. Really hard. I'm in a new relationship now, a vanilla one. It is definitely something that a big part of me feels....left out. Neglected almost. I've always been a sub. While it is something that I can do, and am doing gladly because, well, I love him. It's still hard to turn off those desires. To turn off those yearnings. A collar to a sub is like euphoria. Like a man slipping a ring on your finger and telling you that you are his. It's something that I've wanted for a long time. My friends dream of weddings, I'm dreaming of a collaring ceremony.
He knows that I am a sub. He knows that this is my only vanilla relationship, and in all of this, he actually is learning it for me. Learning the things that I would want, that would make me happy just as much as I do things that make him happy. For me, that is a big thing. I need that dominance. I need that structure. That for me is my way of feeling loved. I don't want the gentle love, I want firm love. I need the rules, I need everything that goes with it. Having someone understand that, and who is willing to learn that, it amazing. It's really, almost a blessing in a way. For me that is like feeling that things are lacking, feeling like something isn't there that needs to be there. So having it filled, it makes me even happier in the relationship.
Of course, because of this my writing has picked up more. Hopefully I can have something to post. For now, that is my only outlet for scenes. My only way to get that release because in those moments of writing it, I can feel as though I am right there. I am the sub in that scene. It makes it hard when I do my writing sites with friends. Sure, I can play a good Dom on an rpg board, but I gotta have my submissive characters because in the end, that is what I am. A lot has happened these last few years, lots of moving, lots of nothing as far as my BDSM life. But things are good, and I look forward to seeing where my new journey will take me.
He knows that I am a sub. He knows that this is my only vanilla relationship, and in all of this, he actually is learning it for me. Learning the things that I would want, that would make me happy just as much as I do things that make him happy. For me, that is a big thing. I need that dominance. I need that structure. That for me is my way of feeling loved. I don't want the gentle love, I want firm love. I need the rules, I need everything that goes with it. Having someone understand that, and who is willing to learn that, it amazing. It's really, almost a blessing in a way. For me that is like feeling that things are lacking, feeling like something isn't there that needs to be there. So having it filled, it makes me even happier in the relationship.
Of course, because of this my writing has picked up more. Hopefully I can have something to post. For now, that is my only outlet for scenes. My only way to get that release because in those moments of writing it, I can feel as though I am right there. I am the sub in that scene. It makes it hard when I do my writing sites with friends. Sure, I can play a good Dom on an rpg board, but I gotta have my submissive characters because in the end, that is what I am. A lot has happened these last few years, lots of moving, lots of nothing as far as my BDSM life. But things are good, and I look forward to seeing where my new journey will take me.
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