It's a sub's life...

For all my doubts these last few days have proved that I shouldn't worry too much. I am a good sub and I serve my Master with great love and duty. I have been cleaning away and making sure that I have chores done, one of those is making sure that I have job applications done. I need to find me a new job. I just hope that I find one soon. For I while I had almost felt like maybe the fact that we didn't do anything meant that I hadn't been doing anything right. Now I have seen that that isn't correct. That it has been more that things are just getting in the way than it is having to do with me.

A few nights ago Master tied me up. Which works perfectly with my bed. We finally got it set up in the room and put his in the guest room. Mine has posts so it's much easier to do things like this. It felt... I don't know how to describe it. Perfect almost? I hadn't had that feeling in a long time and came to find that I have missed it. It's like something has been missing and then suddenly I feel it again and it's like that void has been filled. I would love for us to do more play but it just doesn't seem to work that way. Which don't get me wrong, is not bad but making room for it would be nice sometimes. We both just get so busy that it's hard to keep up with stuff like that. We have the house rules and things like that but as far as play goes, it would be nice to have a little more of that in our schedule than once every great while. I enjoy pleasing my Master is is something pleases me greatly. He is not just my Master, he is my friend, my lover.

I find that I am both nervous and excited for the new sub to get her!!! She is the perfect addition and I love her. Some people would probably never understand the way we live but that is fine. They don't have to like that we are poly they just have to accept it as who we are. Amanda is lovely. We all get along great and it's just one big love fest. I can't wait until we can move her in. We have to go to Alabama to get her and both Master and I are alive with excitement. We want to go snatch her now but of course we must wait. Sometime you just have to remind yourself that 'Patience is a virture', and then you want to punch the person who said that. Patience, pfft.

-Luna

Dipping my feet into something new....

My first blog I've ever done. We'll see how this goes. I'm quit uncertain about it but I'm sure it will go better than I think and seeing as there is quite the amount of bloggers in the lifestyle I might have company. That would be nice. Living here in Louisiana doesn't much account for being in touch with those within the lifestyle, yeah I could join NOBLE... if I wasn't so far from NOLA. *sighs* Hopefully someday I will be able to get out there and interact with others. As it is I've always been surrounded by vanillas, my family, most of my friends. The only friend I have who truly knows lives back home in Colorado. So it is the miles separate us, but we still chat. She's still there for me to open up about things like this.

Honestly I would love to get out there and do things among the community. But it's hard when Master is more the homebody type, unless it's fishing or hunting or something of that nature. It don't know if it's more my fears that that will make me. I know better. I am secure in who I am and why I choose this lifestyle, but don't we all find ourselves staring at our reflection thinking 'Am I following the right path?', 'Is this me?'. Of course my heart knows the truth, knows that I am in this with a full heart. But there is some part of me whether it be that overactive mind or some deep part of me that wonders what I will think if I actually go to a play party or a munch. Of course I have done play many times before, that is something that I shouldn't be worried about. But again, it crosses my mind.

I often find myself wondering if I am being a good sub. If I am serving Master with all that I have. While I know that I am I find myself noticing that I am lacking in some areas, that there are things I can do to better myself. I view this new year as a new start, a new growth. I will strive to be the best sub I can be. I will work hard to push those self angst thoughts back and think only on the good. Tell myself that I am worthy, I am worth it. Master shows me everyday and I should believe it because Master is always right. I not only want to be a better sub, but a better me, and I hope to accomplish just that. While I would love to write more Master has come home and it is time for dinner.

Til tomorrow-