My first blog I've ever done. We'll see how this goes. I'm quit uncertain about it but I'm sure it will go better than I think and seeing as there is quite the amount of bloggers in the lifestyle I might have company. That would be nice. Living here in Louisiana doesn't much account for being in touch with those within the lifestyle, yeah I could join NOBLE... if I wasn't so far from NOLA. *sighs* Hopefully someday I will be able to get out there and interact with others. As it is I've always been surrounded by vanillas, my family, most of my friends. The only friend I have who truly knows lives back home in Colorado. So it is the miles separate us, but we still chat. She's still there for me to open up about things like this.
Honestly I would love to get out there and do things among the community. But it's hard when Master is more the homebody type, unless it's fishing or hunting or something of that nature. It don't know if it's more my fears that that will make me. I know better. I am secure in who I am and why I choose this lifestyle, but don't we all find ourselves staring at our reflection thinking 'Am I following the right path?', 'Is this me?'. Of course my heart knows the truth, knows that I am in this with a full heart. But there is some part of me whether it be that overactive mind or some deep part of me that wonders what I will think if I actually go to a play party or a munch. Of course I have done play many times before, that is something that I shouldn't be worried about. But again, it crosses my mind.
I often find myself wondering if I am being a good sub. If I am serving Master with all that I have. While I know that I am I find myself noticing that I am lacking in some areas, that there are things I can do to better myself. I view this new year as a new start, a new growth. I will strive to be the best sub I can be. I will work hard to push those self angst thoughts back and think only on the good. Tell myself that I am worthy, I am worth it. Master shows me everyday and I should believe it because Master is always right. I not only want to be a better sub, but a better me, and I hope to accomplish just that. While I would love to write more Master has come home and it is time for dinner.
Til tomorrow-
Honestly I would love to get out there and do things among the community. But it's hard when Master is more the homebody type, unless it's fishing or hunting or something of that nature. It don't know if it's more my fears that that will make me. I know better. I am secure in who I am and why I choose this lifestyle, but don't we all find ourselves staring at our reflection thinking 'Am I following the right path?', 'Is this me?'. Of course my heart knows the truth, knows that I am in this with a full heart. But there is some part of me whether it be that overactive mind or some deep part of me that wonders what I will think if I actually go to a play party or a munch. Of course I have done play many times before, that is something that I shouldn't be worried about. But again, it crosses my mind.
I often find myself wondering if I am being a good sub. If I am serving Master with all that I have. While I know that I am I find myself noticing that I am lacking in some areas, that there are things I can do to better myself. I view this new year as a new start, a new growth. I will strive to be the best sub I can be. I will work hard to push those self angst thoughts back and think only on the good. Tell myself that I am worthy, I am worth it. Master shows me everyday and I should believe it because Master is always right. I not only want to be a better sub, but a better me, and I hope to accomplish just that. While I would love to write more Master has come home and it is time for dinner.
Til tomorrow-
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