Last night was one of my calls with
Sir, this one was different though, but certainly not in a bad way.
Different in that good way that gives you butterflies and makes you
nervous in an excited way. His other sub (his wife) was sitting in,
she'll be referenced in this as Miss as she is a switch and that was
the aspect she was sitting in as. It was something that I have always
wanted to try, that thing that being a poly sub you think about but
never really tell anyone because sadly a majority of your friends are
not only vanilla, but monog (I can hear the little violins playing,
thank you all ;p). I have done scenes with a Domme, but they weren't
on calls, and more in a chat like setting. So my experience with it
is limited.
But I have to say, it was something
that I enjoyed. I had a bit of a nervous rocky start, but I'm usually
nervous when I start something new like this. I've always been that
way, slightly awkward when it comes to certain things especially if
they are social, yay social anxiety. I believe that Social Anxiety
Subs Anonymous needs to become a thing, my friend who coined that
knows who she is if she is reading this. It doesn't necessarily mean
that I am not enjoying something, or that I don't like something,
it's just me and once I acclimate to the situation I'm good. One
thing I have always liked, is that Sir is good about asking me how
I'm doing. A Dom that cares about their sub's well being is a
treasure, and sadly, not really something I was used to before him.
But I have found you get used to it very quickly, and come to cherish
it.
Most of my calls with him are pretty
intense, and I won't lie, I am glad the intense stuff happens with
him on the other side of a computer screen. I think it would be
harder if it were just me alone. He had me start with the belt, which
is pretty usual, and I think I'm getting a little better using it on
my breasts. It's an awkward position, beating yourself, and really,
never been something I have been into. I have always had a hard time
with enjoying it, could never get into it. I think I have figured
that out, with those times, it was over the phone, or recording it
for that particular Dom (who didn't last very long by any means as he
was in New York, and I in Louisiana). I get into it more with this
because I can see his reaction, I can hear him saying what he would
no doubt be saying if I were kneeling before him.
I can close my eyes and see Sir doing
it, though I have no doubt his lashes would be harder. But then him
being a sadist calls to my masochist and is probably one of the big
things that makes me excited for when I can be face to face. I enjoy
what he has me do to myself and that is something I have never
thought I would say. I ended the other because I couldn't do long
distance in a D/s relationship and years later I laugh that I am in
one now. I think the big difference is that I have talked to him over
skype, only talked to the other over text, and leaving messages for
him that he wanted me to leave. It helps you to trust when you can
see the face, and hear the voice, at least for me. It also helps that
I knew both Sir and Miss before he asked me to be his sub.
Whatever it is that makes me trust, I
enjoy what he has me do to myself. Whether it is the belt, my brush,
clothes pins, or even, the paddle. I am still waiting for the 'Let's
see if you can hit yourself hard enough to mark yourself'. I am sure
it will be coming soon. He had me show it to Miss, and I made the
comment along the lines of 'the word I don't like' and Sir came back
with something along the lines of 'You like it when I use it'. Of
course the answer was yes, and of course when he added the bit about
it making my cunt constrict, the answer again is yes. All the while
there is a voice in my head yelling at me, asking me how I can enjoy
being called such a thing. Telling me to get a backbone don't take
that. I figure that is the voice of my disliking of that word.
Against any disliking of it, it does get me wet when he uses it, it
does make me feel giddy in that way a sub does when their Dom speaks
to them like that.
Using that paddled on my cunt was
probably the sexiest thing I have ever endured. What made it all the
more was listening to Sir and Miss and their comments while I was
doing it. It wasn't just Sir praising which made it more in some way.
Of course I have always had the share fantasies of being shown off or
shared around. It was always something I was iffy on, of course it
takes something like this to realize it's not iffy. I really do get
off on that. Miss let me cum, but I had to cum from the paddle,
which, there is a part of me that is surprised that it worked. I'd
never done that before, and yes I am a Painslut but I had that
nervousness and that thought of well darn, that's not gonna happen.
Boy was I wrong, never second guess yourself boys and girls, or do,
it can be kind of fun when you do what you think you can't do.
To some up this experience, it is
probably the sexiest thing that I have done and I don't say that
often. I probably should, I've gotten much better with my confidence
and self-esteem but I do still have my moments where I laugh at the
prospect of being sexy, beautiful yes, pretty, yes, but sexy, eh
maybe. But this, this is definitely the sexiest thing I have done. So
hearing that it was hot as hell to watch, well that makes me feel
pretty darn accomplished, their enjoyment is what I aim for, it's
what any sub aims for. Getting that praise, that is cloud nine stuff
right there.
I am at a month and a day now for my
control, today will mark day one when I do my dailies. I did very
good this last round as you cant tell. fluffs the blog No
punishment blogs, now lets see if I can keep that up huh? And
hopefully when next you hear from me it will be a month and a day
from now.
^-^ Luna xo
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